Talking to your child about staying safe online
Most of us tend to think of our online and offline lives as separate, but children today are growing up with technology and the internet as a natural part of their lives. To them there isn't a separation. It's all just life. The internet is now part of the real world.
Talking to your child about what they do online is just as important as asking where they are going when they go out with their friends. It can be difficult starting the conversation with your child about their online activities. Technology keeps changing and you might find it overwhelming trying to keep up with it all, but you don't need to. You just need to take an interest in what apps and games your child is using. That's the best place to start.
Your child might not want to share anything with you at first, but keep trying.
Here are some tips to get you started.
How to start the conversation
Ask your child what they are doing online and if you can take part. Why not ask to play their favourite game with them? If they see that you are taking a genuine interest they will be more willing to want to talk to you about it.
If you are thinking about getting your child a new device, that's the perfect opportunity to start a conversation. Ask them what they are going to use it for. What are they looking forward to doing?
If you're buying a mobile phone for a child or giving them your old mobile consider setting the parental controls. You can also applying security settings on the apps your child most frequently uses.
It's important to set parental controls and security settings on all their devices, but they aren't 100% accurate and are no substitute for open and honest conversations with your child.
Make sure that you explain to your child that you want them to enjoy the online world, but sometimes unsafe things happen online. You just want to keep them safe. Tell them why you are worried, so that they understand. Tell them that you can't control what is online and some things aren't appropriate for children to see.
Agree some boundaries. If you establish them from the offset, the child understands what is expected of them. These conversations and boundaries should be mirrored with all family members.
Encourage conversations about not keeping secrets. People online might ask your child to keep their conversation a secret. Talk about what secrets mean in your house.
You could create a Family Online Agreement, which all family members sign up to, including the adults. This could include no phones at dinner time, and agreeing an appropriate time to come offline, especially before bedtime, with phones charging in another room. This agreement can change over time as your child gets older.
Make sure they know that if they see something online that upsets them, or makes them feel uncomfortable that they can always come to you. Make it clear that they shouldn't be worried about getting into trouble or getting their friends into trouble.
What does uncomfortable mean?
It's important to explain, especially to younger children, what is meant by ‘uncomfortable,’ by using language they will understand.
You could ask:
Have you ever seen anything that has made you feel scared, angr, sad or worried? Using different words can trigger different responses.
or
Has something given you a funny feeling in your tummy, or kept you awake at night because you kept thinking about it when you're trying to fall asleep?
Conversations around online activity should take place often to encourage an open dialogue. Regularly have open and honest conversations about:
- What they are doing online and who they are talking to.
- Remind them of the importance of not talking to or accepting friend requests from people they don’t know in real life.
- Encourage them to keep all personal information such as passwords, phone numbers, friend, school and home address details private.
- Remind them that the people they talk to online might not be who they say they are. It is very easy for people to set up accounts with fake names, identities and photos, to make us all believe that they are someone they are not.
- Warn them that the things they write and the photos they post online might be accessed by people other than their friends, if they don’t keep their accounts private.
- Highlight the risks of meeting people in person that your child only knows online. Meeting people in real life, that children and young people only know from being online, can pose many risks and children and young people should be encouraged to be open and honest with you or a trusted adult, if someone is asking to meet up with them in real life (this can be very dangerous and children and young people should be encouraged to tell their parents or an adult they trust, if someone is asking to meet them).
The fact that you are reading this shows that you care and are doing your best. You know your child better than anyone. Don’t worry about not always getting it right, but keep trying.
Make talking about what goes on online part of your daily conversations. You could mention things that you have seen online. Talking about it daily will make your child feel more relaxed about the topic and therefore more likely to come and speak to you about their online activities.
The following case study is based on the type of situations that can occur
Not everyone that your child speaks to online will have the best intentions. Some will want to do them harm. Having those honest and open conversations with your child will mean that they will come to you if they have concerns.
